几个很搞笑的翻译，你试试能不能翻出这么喜剧的效果

1、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！
2、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
3、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。


4、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
5、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
6、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。
7、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了！！
8、War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
9、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！
b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
10、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
11、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！
12、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点….这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B…
13、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！
意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科
14、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？很享受吗？
15、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直译：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
意译a：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后，但智慧告诉你这终还是男女有别~
16、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
17、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
18、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女•••••
b. 想立牌坊就得会装
19、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！
20、A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
所谓砍价，就是这东西虽然你不需要，但价格太好必须要买下来！
21、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了。
22、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
心理医师：你神经病！！！ 我：能说点别的吗？
心理医师：好！！而且你真TM丑！！！”
23、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
贞操如泡影，一戳无踪影。
24、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
公车总在被追赶的时候的速度要比你在里面时的速度快两倍。
一旦你在公车后面追，它的速度就会变得比你在里面所感觉得快。
25、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
过了河也别拆桥，没准你还要回来呢。
26、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
以暴治暴，不如以抱治爆。

搞笑到沒怎麼覺得。不過很多說的還蠻有道理的勒

你没有觉得原文就比较搞笑，而且翻译的更贴近我们能理解的文化氛围吗？我是觉得不错才贴出来让大家欣赏一下这些笑话的

本人e文学得就不好，但是也知道千万不要直译，否则闹大笑话。

我又想起 好好学习 天天向上了。。
还有 怎么是你 怎么总是你~~

22、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
这个误会大了。。哈哈

其实是很有道理的翻译啦，比如那个伯劳因我而死那个

不怎么搞笑的，但是翻译的相当精辟啊，比如第二个的SB，值得赞许， 一个！